cold and survival, good and bad

As a child, my mother was always really worried about me catching a cold/the flue. So when ever there was some cold air flowing around us, or before leaving home, she would dress me up with extra attributes and over and over again she would warn me for the cold. So I found in myself fear of survival connected to the feeling of coldness on my body, or the expected feeling there of.
From this I developed the opinion that people who live in a cold area are stupid to do so. Realizing that in the Netherlands where I live we have low temperatures during several months per year, I feared living here and I would give up on myself for not moving out to some other country where the weather supports my body with the appropriate temperature.
Another point of survival was connected because my mother had a job and she would have trouble taking care of me when I would have to stay home in bed. Which would bring yet more danger: the other family members might get sick as well.
I forgave myself and for the first time I start to enjoy low weather temperature. Will see how this goes in winter...

So here the perception was created that there is the normal order where everyone goes to work or to school and sickness is the disruption of the order, is abnormal. Work& school is good, sickness is bad. I enjoyed being sick though because I like to be at home rather than be in school and I enjoyed the special attention/care from my  mother. because during regular life I felt I had to fit in this machine like/clock work like order, being pushed by my mother to hurry up to be on time.
Therefor I began to see myself as a bad/naughty person because I liked being sick. Later on as an adult, I stopped participating in college and job life, and became a bad person, doing drugs, joining sub culture, practicing occultism.

As we see thanks to Desteni, that participating in normal/good way of life is supporting the abusive economic system, the perceived good way of life isn't good at all. The system in it's totality with all sub systems was never good, meaning beneficial to life, plants, animals, our own bodies, the water, the air, Earth.

Later on I tried to turn myself into a good person by becoming a Christian and after that a light worker. Until I finally found Desteni (or had Desteni found me?) which brought realism: good doesn't exist yet. We've got to stop ourselves first as how/who we exist as and re-create ourselves as worthy of Life. And we have to write and talk and vlog to put ourselves out in the world to change the system.