gone in energy

t'day I was at my rc plane club. In the morning I thought to myself: o I'm going to the club in the afternoon, I must make sure that I won't experience an energetic high.
When I had arrived I was working on a plane of mine gluing stuff, and I experienced a lot of anxiety: this had to be fixed as soon as possible, so I could show of to the other members. I noticed my breath for really shallow, I didn't stop myself.
When it was finished I decided to test fly. After 5 seconds or so the thing crashed and I had to start over with glueing, lol. I was quite stable in this and I decided to fix it. Then only I realized myself, wondering: where had I been? I had been 'away'. The thought that came up was that Bernard and Sunette had kept me locked away from reality! So a very strange projection, when I had been locked away in my mind as energies by my own allowance!

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to think that Bernard and Sunette kept me locked away from reality.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that I allowed myself to be gone in an energetic experience in the mind.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to stop

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that I within the thought: "I must make sure that I won't experience an energetic high" already gave permission for it to manifest. Because I didn't make sure in fact.

I understand that I must make sure in fact that I won't participate in an energetic experience at the club and not just think I must.