Fear of choking and self gratefulness

I woke up in the night and something was the matter in myself: fearrrr. I had a problem in my throat and I felt: fear of not being able to breathe. Nasty fear. So I decided to face this one. It felt horrible, I got to the point where I found stability, self stability. So cool Next I felt anger, really strong, I felt I tended to be angry towards my mother, but I had finished my mind construct on my experience of her, so I was able to avoid this, and I let the anger in myself come forth till it was completely here. And It was: anger I had suppressed as the power to speak up, something I hadn't done as a child, And fear of speaking up. I had apparently agreed to a design where I always do as I am told by my mum, always agree to her plans whatever she plans for me or any plan of her basically. A strong pain in the lower part of my legs and in my feet I felt when I gave myself permission to become the anger as the power to speak up! I forgave myself for having accepted and allowed myself to agree to live this aspect of my life design. When I did this I found myself in complete darkness and here was fear of being lost in the darkness, to lose myself, to no longer exist, that I end. I was aware that this is all of the mind, so I didn't follow these emotions/thoughts and instead I found a certainty that life was to be found in the darkness. I didn't find it but my fear was gone, I had gone beyond my fear. Then I found within the anger point, that part of my motivation to do my process was: punishment! I did my process because I had been evil/bad/wrong and walking my process was punishing myself. I found that my body suffered from this, it felt like I had placed iron bars tight around or even in my body. Painful. So I decided to let go of this and what emerged? Gratefulness , self gratefulness! Grateful that I birth myself