sinusitis, and "must"

What i found was that i kept a kind of vague mass in my head, expressing: o I don't know that, don't ask me - type of thing. I kept it to hide behind to not speak out, fearing confrontations.

So I cleared this one and guess what: I start to smell again! I had lost smelling almost completely, due to sinusitis, due to keeping the vagueness.

Another thing; I was at my girlfriend's and after spending some time together I said: I must do internet now. She said; "must"? are you obligated to do so? And I had to take a look at this point. Did I feel I must do my internet application, or was it self-directed?

I left it alone for a while, spending time together. It was cool because she shared with me her letting go of her overly disciplined life style, and it was fun and enjoyment. I checked my mail a few times and I missed some group chats, but I could read them later. So all in all cool and a letting go of 'must'.