Panic Disorder

many years ago, I suffered from 'panic disorder'. In the middle of the night I woke up with a terrifying sensation running through my veins. I wondered what would be the appropriate action to take: running in the street screaming? I decided to call a emergency doctor. I got an assistent on the phone and I explained my situation. Then the doctor himself came on the phone he said it's panic disorder. He said nothing can be done, you'll just have to endure it till it diminishes.
It stayed with me for hours and boy was I glad the light of day came and the first person I saw on a bicycle leaving home for work, proving that at least some things were still normal. That day I phoned a friend of mine who had had severe situations herself. She said you can come over to our place. I didn't dare to stay in my own home alone any longer, let alone face another night time.
I said I'm afraid to take the bus. She said if you really want it you can do it. I held on to this thought and went by bus. We drove through the fog, quite symbolic, I tried to keep my cool.
From that day on I needed sleeping pills to overcome my fear for going to sleep. I slept at several peoples homes, a few day here a few days there, because I was too afraid to be alone. After three months I had the guts to stop the pills, only taking them every now and then. And for another couple of months I kept them within reach for just in case.
This morning I faced this panic disorder, meaning I felt the exact nasty sensation in my body and in the moment I decided to not let myself be carried away in fear and panic, but to stick with the sensation and to withstand the temptation to leave my body to reside in mind dimensions of fear and panic. It was hell. I spoke my self forgivenesses on fear and panic and I breathed and I stood no matter what.
I realized that 'panic disorder' is just another acceptance and allowance, it isn't something that just happens, to which I fall a helpless victim.
So that's done.