I discovered little thoughts of spitefulness and neglect towards myself. Where I would diminish myself. I think that my existence is of no importance, that my actions don't really matter. And that my capabilities are useless. This is going on for some time, as an acceptance and allowance within myself. It affects my determination to work for the change we want to see on Earth.
The underlying emotion is that all is for nothing: we won't make it, we won't change. The brainwashed state of humanity is to strong. And I am not fit for the work that needs to be done.
Every time I forget something, or I type something wrong, I condemn myself for my limitedness as the system that I am. Or when I struggle to learn something new on the computer, or to learn how to make a mind construct in the DIP course.
I wasn't aware of this accumulating in myself, by giving a little confirmation to each thought that would come up indicating these type of failures. I need to watch closely what is moving in my mind and to breathe instead of confirming the thoughts. Sticking to my decision to never allow this again. Because the accumulated spitefulness bursted out in one moment when I acted out on the dog for spoiling something I had just finished cleaning. Where I was trying to smash the mirror of what I was doing myself: spoiling my own cleaning of my mind.
Geen opmerkingen:
Een reactie posten