preparing myself for eternal life

hi,
this morning I again watched myself go into thinking thoughts and again wondering what's the urge. I found: I am preparing myself for eternal life. Realizing that my body is finite, I try and construct a reality/identity through thinking, adding thoughts to existing thoughts, expanding. To have a alternate reality for when the body isn't here anymore for me to have an existence. So I would then be able to live in what I have constructed myself during my life time.
I stop this process of creating an alternate reality.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to think as a life insurance
I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize breath as life.

getting worthy of Life

The two cats are lacking even more care because their owner now has a girlfriend where he apparently stays over a lot. So I give them food every day and they stay a lot in my house. I talked to the neighbor lady downstairs and asked her if she would be willing to feed them in the weekends when I wouldn't be home.

She said yes. Next time I see the owner I will say that I can take care of the cats if he agrees to this. Lets see how this goes.

I stopped a lot of the systems that I had accepted and allowed in myself react to the presence of the cats, like irritation, desire to dominate and control, neglect, ignoring them, even aggression.

So I trust myself sufficiently to be their 'owner'. Not yet 100%, the point of taking care of their health for instance.

Can I be trusted with Life...

I am doing some physical exercises like everyday, which makes that I have a body that's easy in all kind of movements, poses. because the muscles have been trained. I enjoy this.