mother, girlfriend

From there I had come to believe that I pleased my mum when I was in fear.
Another aspect was that I developed the belief that I needed this energy to become something/someone, however it never became fully clear to me what I 
I now lived between failure and success:
I lived as failure to have my mum irritated/angry which would generate fear in my body, and this energy I needed to create myself as successful. 

So when I found this all and self-forgave, a relief came: I don't have to become something/someone through energy.

Towards my girlfriend I find fulfillment in being her servant/slave/assistant/supporter. As Bernard said about men and women. 
I found a flaw in myself where I would do something for her and then I felt uncertainty: did I do it in the right way or not... and I lost my self-directedness, so I corrected this. And I checked my starting point and I established absolute self-trust.

Still when she was about to arrive at home from work, I noticed the fearing programming started up and I couldn't breath properly, so I need to learn to stop the pattern.