2012 How I was able to hear the Desteni message

I had been looking for ways to change reality, and I had felt the need to change who/what I had become from age 19. Because I found society and myself rather disturbing. And as the years passed by, things got from bad to worse. In relationships I wasn’t able to become a stable trustworthy partner, and in society I saw that fear and aggression amongst the people increased. I had investigated and tried all kind of different methods and means. I had used substances to try and alter myself, I became a Christian for some time, I applied meditation and I had been working in a organic garden, and more. To my surprise: where ever I was/worked with people, I saw the same troubles. Like anger, misunderstandings, jealousy, gossip, irritations, people falling in love etc. in myself and even amongst the ‘most spiritual’ of people. When I was like 50 years of age I was into Pleyadian light work and interested in St Germain and numbers appearing like 11:11. I had just learned to use a computer and on Youtube I was looking for videos on arch angels and saints, and UFOs and anything out of the ordinary. Because I just couldn’t believe that life as we know it is what life on Earth can be. So I was looking for the reason as to how it all had come to be, this world and humanity stuck with ever increasing problems of sorts. I read all kind of literature on ‘ancient wisdom’ to find out where we had taken the wrong road, or where we had been mislead and how. I applied then methods to ’heal’ myself and humanity/Earth. Like for instance in religion which I practiced for several years, through attending the sermon, prayer and such, and meditation, visualisation etc. I discovered that the economy as we have it wasn’t a normal natural way of trading, but a specific design not in the best interest of all. I believed that the solution had to come from a higher power and a higher level because nothing of what is here can be trusted, nothing is what it seems, so I tried to move the supposedly higher beings to help us, and I tried to become ‘higher’ myself to be able to ‘magically’ heal the world/humanity/myself. So some 5 years ago I was watching vids, nicely colored New Age/Spirituallity type of vids one day and amongst them appeared Sunette’s face, just a face, talking, maybe it was Jack in the portal, and immediately I realized: this is genuine information. The integrity of the speaker was striking. And I listened more vids like 5 per day. I Found the series History of Man and boy was I glad to get more insight into how we had become what we are today. I found that Desteni presented the principle that belong to this reality: Life in Equality and Oneness. It became clear how we had accepted and allowed ourselves to be misdirected as humanity and that we merely exist as living systems. That we have abdicated responsibility for our reality as a whole and only care for ourselves/our group. That we have come to the point where we have destroyed so much that only if we drastically change our ways, life will be able to continue on the planet. This all connected to my perspective and clarified it further more. I found the tools Desteni suggests: writing, self forgiveness, self corrective statements. And as I had learned self forgiveness in a slightly different form through ‘The Healing Journey’ by Brandon Bays, I could easily adapt to the Desteni self forgiveness. And later on I found that Desteni also planned to create change in society in a way that can be trusted so here I had the answer to how to change myself and how to change the world. Also I found other people applying these tools and I was very pleased to see that we were able to, thanks to our application of the tools, communicate directly and to eliminate all the ‘normal’ fuzz.

Fear of choking and self gratefulness

I woke up in the night and something was the matter in myself: fearrrr. I had a problem in my throat and I felt: fear of not being able to breathe. Nasty fear. So I decided to face this one. It felt horrible, I got to the point where I found stability, self stability. So cool Next I felt anger, really strong, I felt I tended to be angry towards my mother, but I had finished my mind construct on my experience of her, so I was able to avoid this, and I let the anger in myself come forth till it was completely here. And It was: anger I had suppressed as the power to speak up, something I hadn't done as a child, And fear of speaking up. I had apparently agreed to a design where I always do as I am told by my mum, always agree to her plans whatever she plans for me or any plan of her basically. A strong pain in the lower part of my legs and in my feet I felt when I gave myself permission to become the anger as the power to speak up! I forgave myself for having accepted and allowed myself to agree to live this aspect of my life design. When I did this I found myself in complete darkness and here was fear of being lost in the darkness, to lose myself, to no longer exist, that I end. I was aware that this is all of the mind, so I didn't follow these emotions/thoughts and instead I found a certainty that life was to be found in the darkness. I didn't find it but my fear was gone, I had gone beyond my fear. Then I found within the anger point, that part of my motivation to do my process was: punishment! I did my process because I had been evil/bad/wrong and walking my process was punishing myself. I found that my body suffered from this, it felt like I had placed iron bars tight around or even in my body. Painful. So I decided to let go of this and what emerged? Gratefulness , self gratefulness! Grateful that I birth myself