self-forgiveness all the way?

Some days ago I wondered: had I actually planned/decided to apply self-forgiveness all the way? And I found that I hadn't. I did hold back something 'in the future'. So I breathed and I 'looked into the future' and I 'carried' my self-forgiveness application all the way through till nothing was left.

I was working with some people at my sister's horse farm and I found that I was the directive principle. I moved myself and I moved others where necessary. At some point a tricky situation appeared where a discussion started on how to proceed with the work. I succeeded to not feed the discussion, but to let the arguments of the lady just be, and then just remain in my directiveness, so I was able to let my proposal speak for itself and to not end up in conflict.

The horses assisted me with a point: I, at some point in my life had decided to never really bond to anything/anyone to avoid any emotions when I would lose it/the person. I was working on the horse manure and after an hour or so i felt 'embraced' by the horse community, and fully integrated. While finishing my work and leaving the farm, I noticed how I was retrieving  form the oneness, So, some more 'work' to do to stop this pattern.